Loving a child, for nearly a year, through a photo was interesting. When we first saw her I just melted into her photos, stared at them, wanting to learn everything I could about the photos and hung on every word written about her. As our journey took a little longer than expected, and the updates on her stopped, I noticed that I carried her a little further from my heart. Protecting me from pain, which is selfish, but something that was hard to control.
So as the end drew near, I wasn't sure just how I felt. More excited or scared? More happy or nervous? Did I love her, or did I love the girl I thought she was...or who I made her out to be? I knew that no matter what happened, we were in the right place, and in my weakness God would provide, the love, the comfort or the peace, so I rested in that. I still wondered how this whole thing would pan out, and yes, wondered if God really knew what He was doing.
A lot of folks think we were nuts for adopting an older child, and even more nuts for adopting out of birth order and making a new oldest child. As you know, this was not our idea, we feel that God planned for us to do this. Since He is our Maker, couldn't it be possible that He actually created all of us for this purpose? All 5 of us?
Lyla's heart, attitude, character and spirit are bigger, more positive, stronger and sweeter than mine will ever be. I can tell all of that in the month that I have been her mom. To say she is a blessing is a huge understatement, life is certainly better with her in it. I know that's a lot to put on a 6 year old, but I know God has given her something special that not everyone has. In her short little life there is no telling what she has seen, heard, felt and endured, yet every experience, since joining our family is met with a smile.
The verse I think about when I think of Lyla is Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
It seems so easy to say, but to really believe it takes my breath away. Through all her pain, struggles and loss, His plan for her has been to give hope and a future. To think that we am lucky enough to be a part of that hope and future is humbling.
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